{"id":96013,"date":"2025-05-22T10:05:26","date_gmt":"2025-05-22T14:05:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/newsroom.carleton.ca\/?post_type=cu_story&#038;p=96013"},"modified":"2025-08-19T09:36:58","modified_gmt":"2025-08-19T13:36:58","slug":"paying-for-it-sex-work-love-friendship","status":"publish","type":"cu_story","link":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/story\/paying-for-it-sex-work-love-friendship\/","title":{"rendered":"In &#8216;Paying for It,&#8217; Ex-Lovers Reimagine Friendship, Family and the Meaning of Sex Work"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<section class=\"w-screen px-6 cu-section cu-section--white ml-offset-center md:px-8 lg:px-14\">\n    <div class=\"space-y-6 cu-max-w-child-max  md:space-y-10 cu-prose-first-last\">\n\n        \n                    \n                    \n            \n    <div class=\"cu-wideimage relative flex items-center justify-center mx-auto px-8 overflow-hidden md:px-16 rounded-xl not-prose  my-6 md:my-12 first:mt-0 bg-opacity-50 bg-cover bg-cu-black-50 pt-24 pb-32 md:pt-28 md:pb-44 lg:pt-36 lg:pb-60 xl:pt-48 xl:pb-72\" style=\"background-image: url(https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/162\/paying-for-it-1200x900-1.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%;\">\n\n                    <div class=\"absolute top-0 w-full h-screen\" style=\"background-color:rgba(0,0,0,0.600);\"><\/div>\n        \n        <div class=\"relative z-[2] max-w-4xl w-full flex flex-col items-center gap-2 cu-wideimage-image cu-zero-first-last\">\n            <header class=\"mx-auto mb-6 text-center text-white cu-pageheader cu-component-updated cu-pageheader--center md:mb-12\">\n\n                                    <h1 class=\"cu-prose-first-last font-semibold mb-2 text-3xl md:text-4xl lg:text-5xl lg:leading-[3.5rem] cu-pageheader--center text-center mx-auto after:left-px\">\n                        In &#039;Paying for It,&#039; Ex-Lovers Reimagine Friendship, Family and the Meaning of Sex Work\n                    <\/h1>\n                \n                            <\/header>\n        <\/div>\n\n                    <svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"absolute bottom-0 w-full z-[1]\" fill=\"none\" viewbox=\"0 0 1280 312\">\n                <path fill=\"#fff\" d=\"M26.412 315.608c-.602-.268-6.655-2.412-13.524-4.769a1943.84 1943.84 0 0 1-14.682-5.144l-2.276-.858v-5.358c0-4.876.086-5.358.773-5.09 1.674.643 21.38 5.84 34.646 9.109 14.682 3.59 28.935 6.858 45.936 10.449l9.874 2.089H57.322c-16.4 0-30.31-.16-30.91-.428ZM460.019 315.233c42.974-10.074 75.602-19.88 132.443-39.867 76.16-26.791 152.063-57.709 222.385-90.663 16.7-7.823 21.336-10.074 44.262-21.273 85.004-41.688 134.719-64.193 195.291-88.413 66.55-26.577 145.2-53.584 194.27-66.765C1258.5 5.626 1281.34 0 1282.24 0c.17 0 .34 27.596.34 61.3v61.299l-2.23.375c-84.7 13.718-165.93 35.955-310.736 84.931-46.494 15.753-65.427 22.076-96.166 32.15-9.102 3-24.814 8.198-34.989 11.574-107.543 35.954-153.008 50.422-196.626 62.639l-6.74 1.876-89.126-.054c-78.135-.054-88.782-.161-85.948-.857ZM729.628 312.875c33.229-10.985 69.248-23.523 127.506-44.207 118.705-42.223 164.596-57.709 217.446-73.302 2.62-.75 8.29-2.465 12.67-3.751 56.19-16.772 126.94-33.597 184.17-43.671 5.07-.91 9.66-1.768 10.22-1.875l.94-.161v170.236l-281.28-.054H719.968l9.66-3.215ZM246.864 313.411c-65.041-2.251-143.047-12.11-208.432-26.256-18.375-3.965-41.73-9.538-42.202-10.074-.171-.214-.257-21.38-.214-47.046l.129-46.618 6.654 3.697c57.313 32.043 118.491 56.531 197.699 79.143 40.313 11.521 83.459 18.058 138.669 21.059 15.584.857 65.685.857 81.14 0 33.744-1.876 61.306-4.93 88.396-9.806 6.396-1.126 11.634-1.983 11.722-1.929.255.375-20.48 7.769-30.999 11.038-28.592 8.948-59.288 15.646-91.873 20.147-26.36 3.59-50.015 5.627-78.35 6.698-15.584.59-55.209.59-72.339-.053Z\"><\/path>\n                <path fill=\"#fff\" d=\"M-3.066 295.067 32.06 304.1v9.033H-3.066v-18.066Z\"><\/path>\n            <\/svg>\n            <\/div>\n\n    \n\n    <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<p>This article is <a href=\"https:\/\/theconversation.com\/in-paying-for-it-ex-lovers-reimagine-friendship-family-and-the-meaning-of-sex-work-255294\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">republished<\/a> from The Conversation under a Creative Commons licence. All photos provided by <a href=\"https:\/\/theconversation.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Conversation<\/a> from various sources.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/law\/people\/ummni-khan\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Ummni Khan<\/a> is an associate professor of law and legal studies at Carleton University.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" id=\"ad-auris-iframe\" style=\"width: 100%; height: 100px; border: none;\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"400\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https:\/\/audio.adauris.ai\/v2\/widget\/RvjICRaqgSFBJozV1NoK\/ewXK80TCBX9PJYujCmei?distribution=true\" width=\"100%\" data-project-id=\"RvjICRaqgSFBJozV1NoK\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The film <a href=\"https:\/\/www.payingforitfilm.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><em>Paying For It<\/em><\/a>, Sook-Yin Lee&#8217;s live-action adaptation of cartoonist <a href=\"https:\/\/drawnandquarterly.com\/books\/paying-for-it\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Chester Brown&#8217;s 2011 graphic memoir<\/a>, reveals unexpected overlaps between paid sexual encounters and romantic relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.sookyinlee.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lee, a boundary-shattering artist<\/a> working across film, music, acting and broadcast, has never shied away from taboo. With <em>Paying For It<\/em>, she takes on sex work, romance and the messy labour of chosen family by adapting her ex-lover&#8217;s memoir for the screen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter align-right zoomable\"><a href=\"https:\/\/images.theconversation.com\/files\/668029\/original\/file-20250514-56-28qrcu.png?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=1000&amp;fit=clip\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/images.theconversation.com\/files\/668029\/original\/file-20250514-56-28qrcu.png?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=237&amp;fit=clip\" alt=\"a cartoon cover of a book says 'Paying for It'\"\/><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><span class=\"caption\">&#8216;Paying For It,&#8217; graphic memoir by Chester Brown.<\/span><br>\n<span class=\"attribution\"><span class=\"source\">(Drawn &amp; Quarterly)<\/span><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>In my 2019 article &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.33137\/cal.v6i1.32563\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Chester Brown and the Queerness of Johns<\/a>,&#8221; I analyze Brown&#8217;s original book, which traces his pivot from monogamy with Lee to regularly seeing sex workers in the late 1990s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Both a memoir and a manifesto, the book pairs accounts of paid sex with arguments for decriminalizing sex work, voiced through debates with friends and a detailed appendix. In my analysis, I frame Brown&#8217;s memoir as a queer intervention, one that disrupts heteronormative ideals of romantic relations, intimate exchanges and sexual propriety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lee&#8217;s cinematic version of <em>Paying For It<\/em> affirms Brown&#8217;s stance, but filters the story through her own perceptions and snapshots of her love life. In doing so, she traces how she and Brown reinvented their relationship, while portraying his encounters with sex workers with nuance and care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Drawing on my research in sexuality \u2014 including scholarship on <a href=\"https:\/\/utppublishing.com\/doi\/abs\/10.3138\/utlj.2019-0082\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">sex work<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.degruyterbrill.com\/document\/doi\/10.1515\/9780822375463-013\/html?lang=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">client surveillance<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.59962\/9780774838252-007\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">client regulation<\/a> \u2014 I see the film as a defiant celebration of unconventional bonds between exes who remain best friends, and between clients and sex workers, where even purchased orgasms can carry moments of tenderness and mutual respect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"radical-relationship-honesty\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Radical relationship honesty<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The film opens with Sonny (Lee&#8217;s fictional persona, played by Emily L\u00ea) confessing to live-in boyfriend Chester (Daniel Beirne) that she&#8217;s falling in love with someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rather than erupting in rage or jealousy, Chester remains composed. Together, they choose to see what might come next. As Sonny begins seeing other people, Chester continues living in the house and becomes privy to her romantic sagas, from the steamy beginnings to the bitter blowouts. To the bewilderment of his friends, he remains content with the arrangement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Eventually, Chester decides to pay for sex, a decision he shares with Sonny.<br>\nWhat emerges is a portrait of creative kinship where two people refuse the usual scripts and choose radical openness instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"unconventional-bond\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Unconventional bond<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Decades after the events depicted in the film, Lee has described Brown as her <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cbc.ca\/arts\/here-and-queer-sook-yin-lee-1.7439465#:%7E:text=%22Chester%20Brown%20is%20a%20fantastic,He's%20my%20best%20friend.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">&#8220;best friend&#8221; and &#8220;as family.&#8221;<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lee and Brown shape personal histories into overlapping narratives. That <a href=\"https:\/\/www.tiff.net\/events\/special-screening-paying-for-it-with-sook-yin-lee-and-chester-brown\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">they&#8217;ve promoted the film together<\/a>, and appeared in joint interviews and <a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/cLLWVWXkm58?si=TvAe9DV-ETBW9X4P\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">public discussions<\/a>, suggests a sense of mutual trust at the heart of their collaboration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"probing-the-meanings-of-sex-and-intimacy\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Probing the meanings of sex and intimacy<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Chester moves \u2014 and sometimes stumbles \u2014 through criminalized terrain, figuring out how to find sex workers, engage respectfully and follow the unspoken rules of the exchange. The film suggests sometimes it&#8217;s just sex for Chester, and at other times, the exchange carries an emotional connection for him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With one sex worker, Chester shares his real name and gifts a book he wrote about Louis Riel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sociologist Elizabeth Bernstein has analyzed how sex workers are sometimes paid to offer their clients an erotic experience &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/press.uchicago.edu\/ucp\/books\/book\/chicago\/T\/bo5298935.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">premised upon the performance of authentic interpersonal connection<\/a>.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the film, a potential for emotional reciprocity between Chester and a sex worker becomes evident. Without giving too much away, by the film&#8217;s end we see how a casual and transactional beginning transforms into something more enduring for both parties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"450\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/6NPGR1MW_4M?wmode=transparent&amp;start=7\" width=\"800\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figcaption><span class=\"caption\">&#8216;Paying For It,&#8217; trailer.<\/span><\/figcaption>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"risks-in-both-romance-and-sex-work\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Risks in both romance and sex work<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The film also highlights the risks running through both sex work and romance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sex workers face <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pivotlegal.org\/evaluating_canada_s_sex_work_laws_the_case_for_repealb\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">threats of abuse, arrest, disrespect and boundary violations.<\/a> The film gestures to these realities in a scene following a police raid on a sex work venue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But the film also shows Sonny&#8217;s relationships aren&#8217;t immune to danger either. One boyfriend&#8217;s rage nearly results in harm to her pet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Just as navigating risk is part of both romance and sex work, so too is grappling with the social forces that shape desire. In one pointed exchange, Sonny calls out Chester for only paying young, conventionally attractive women. He counters by asking why she doesn&#8217;t date Asian men, forcing them both to confront their own biases.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"sex-worker-rights\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Sex worker rights<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>While <em>Paying For It<\/em> is deeply personal, it is also unmistakably political, especially in its implicit advocacy for sex worker rights.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To navigate the ethical complexities of depicting sex work, Lee <a href=\"https:\/\/torontofilmcritics.com\/features\/sook-yin-lees-paying-for-it-views-sex-work-through-the-lens-of-labour\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">consulted with<\/a> performer, activist and author <a href=\"https:\/\/andreawerhun.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Andrea Werhurn<\/a>, who wrote a memoir about being a former escort; Werhurn stars in the film as the sex worker Denise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lee also interviewed <a href=\"https:\/\/www.tcj.com\/sook-yin-lee-with-chester-brown-on-the-story-behind-the-film-version-of-paying-for-it\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Valerie Scott<\/a> \u2014 one of the applicants who challenged Canada&#8217;s prostitution laws in the <a href=\"https:\/\/decisions.scc-csc.ca\/scc-csc\/scc-csc\/en\/item\/13389\/index.do\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Bedford case<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The film presents sex work as legitimate labour, highlighting the skills and emotional intelligence it demands. At the same time, it underscores how sex workers remain vulnerable to police harassment, violence and social stigma.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"canadas-perverse-laws-on-sex-work\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Canada&#8217;s perverse laws on sex work<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The marginalized status of sex work, as dramatized in the film, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ubcpress.ca\/red-light-labour\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">is shaped by a legal system structured by moralism and hypocrisy<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Set in the 1990s, <em>Paying For It<\/em> takes place at a time <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pivotlegal.org\/voices_for_dignity\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">when Canada didn&#8217;t criminalize the sale of sex directly but prohibited nearly everything around it,<\/a> including soliciting, working indoors and operating brothels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>These contradictions pushed the industry underground, <a href=\"https:\/\/go-gale-com.proxy.library.carleton.ca\/ps\/i.do?p=AONE&amp;u=ocul_carleton&amp;id=GALE%7CA568167812&amp;v=2.1&amp;it=r\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">exposing sex workers to abuse, police harassment, sting operations and heightened health risks<\/a>, while often branding them with criminal records.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"sex-work-kept-in-the-shadows\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Sex work kept in the shadows<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In 2013, the Supreme Court&#8217;s <em>Bedford<\/em> decision struck down these provisions, ruling that they violated sex workers&#8217; constitutional rights, most importantly, the right to security of the person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But the legal victory was short-lived. In 2014, the Conservative government introduced the <a href=\"https:\/\/laws-lois.justice.gc.ca\/eng\/annualstatutes\/2014_25\/page-1.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Protection of Communities and Exploited Persons Act<\/a>, which criminalized the purchase of sexual services while ostensibly decriminalizing its sale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In practice, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pivotlegal.org\/report_canada_s_sex_work_laws_have_led_to_sweeping_criminalization_of_sex_workers\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">the model keeps paid sex in the shadows, where workers face ongoing risks, limited negotiating power and barriers to reporting abuse or working in safer indoor settings<\/a>. What&#8217;s being protected isn&#8217;t sex workers, but a puritanical social order.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This puritanical approach also underpins the newly criminalized status of clients. In my chapter &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.59962\/9780774838252-007\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">From Average Joe to Deviant John<\/a>,&#8221; I trace how western attitudes toward men who pay for sex evolved from a &#8220;boys will be boys&#8221; tolerance to a framework that pathologizes and vilifies them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Paying For It<\/em> resists this framing. The film presents Chester as awkward but principled: a considerate client navigating desire in a criminalized and judgmental culture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"the-price-of-choosing-love-freely\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">The price of choosing love freely<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Paying For It<\/em> offers an alternative kind of love story. It spotlights a relationship where former lovers honour the heart (their continued commitment to one another), the body (respecting each other&#8217;s sexual autonomy) and the mind (their willingness to question social norms).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this way, the film redefines &#8220;paying for it&#8221; not as a burden but as a conscious and liberating investment in diverse forms of love and intimacy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>_<br>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/newsroom.carleton.ca\">Carleton Newsroom<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/counter.theconversation.com\/content\/255294\/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic\" alt=\"The Conversation\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The film Paying For It, Sook-Yin Lee&#8217;s live-action adaptation of cartoonist Chester Brown\u2019s 2011 graphic memoir, reveals unexpected overlaps between paid sexual encounters and romantic relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":410,"featured_media":96025,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"cu_story_type":[1623],"cu_story_tag":[],"class_list":["post-96013","cu_story","type-cu_story","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","cu_story_type-expert-perspectives"],"acf":{"cu_post_thumbnail":"blueprint"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story\/96013","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/cu_story"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/410"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story\/96013\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":96033,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story\/96013\/revisions\/96033"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/96025"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=96013"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"cu_story_type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story_type?post=96013"},{"taxonomy":"cu_story_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story_tag?post=96013"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}