{"id":96544,"date":"2025-06-25T16:30:35","date_gmt":"2025-06-25T20:30:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/newsroom.carleton.ca\/?post_type=cu_story&#038;p=96544"},"modified":"2025-08-19T09:36:58","modified_gmt":"2025-08-19T13:36:58","slug":"heartstopper-queer-anemoia","status":"publish","type":"cu_story","link":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/story\/heartstopper-queer-anemoia\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Queer-Themed Shows Evoke a Bittersweet Nostalgia for Missed Childhood Moments"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<section class=\"w-screen px-6 cu-section cu-section--white ml-offset-center md:px-8 lg:px-14\">\n    <div class=\"space-y-6 cu-max-w-child-max  md:space-y-10 cu-prose-first-last\">\n\n        \n                    \n                    \n            \n    <div class=\"cu-wideimage relative flex items-center justify-center mx-auto px-8 overflow-hidden md:px-16 rounded-xl not-prose  my-6 md:my-12 first:mt-0 bg-opacity-50 bg-cover bg-cu-black-50 pt-24 pb-32 md:pt-28 md:pb-44 lg:pt-36 lg:pb-60 xl:pt-48 xl:pb-72\" style=\"background-image: url(https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/162\/watching-tv-1200x900-1.jpg); background-position: 50% 50%;\">\n\n                    <div class=\"absolute top-0 w-full h-screen\" style=\"background-color:rgba(0,0,0,0.600);\"><\/div>\n        \n        <div class=\"relative z-[2] max-w-4xl w-full flex flex-col items-center gap-2 cu-wideimage-image cu-zero-first-last\">\n            <header class=\"mx-auto mb-6 text-center text-white cu-pageheader cu-component-updated cu-pageheader--center md:mb-12\">\n\n                                    <h1 class=\"cu-prose-first-last font-semibold mb-2 text-3xl md:text-4xl lg:text-5xl lg:leading-[3.5rem] cu-pageheader--center text-center mx-auto after:left-px\">\n                        Why Queer-Themed Shows Evoke a Bittersweet Nostalgia for Missed Childhood Moments\n                    <\/h1>\n                \n                            <\/header>\n        <\/div>\n\n                    <svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"absolute bottom-0 w-full z-[1]\" fill=\"none\" viewbox=\"0 0 1280 312\">\n                <path fill=\"#fff\" d=\"M26.412 315.608c-.602-.268-6.655-2.412-13.524-4.769a1943.84 1943.84 0 0 1-14.682-5.144l-2.276-.858v-5.358c0-4.876.086-5.358.773-5.09 1.674.643 21.38 5.84 34.646 9.109 14.682 3.59 28.935 6.858 45.936 10.449l9.874 2.089H57.322c-16.4 0-30.31-.16-30.91-.428ZM460.019 315.233c42.974-10.074 75.602-19.88 132.443-39.867 76.16-26.791 152.063-57.709 222.385-90.663 16.7-7.823 21.336-10.074 44.262-21.273 85.004-41.688 134.719-64.193 195.291-88.413 66.55-26.577 145.2-53.584 194.27-66.765C1258.5 5.626 1281.34 0 1282.24 0c.17 0 .34 27.596.34 61.3v61.299l-2.23.375c-84.7 13.718-165.93 35.955-310.736 84.931-46.494 15.753-65.427 22.076-96.166 32.15-9.102 3-24.814 8.198-34.989 11.574-107.543 35.954-153.008 50.422-196.626 62.639l-6.74 1.876-89.126-.054c-78.135-.054-88.782-.161-85.948-.857ZM729.628 312.875c33.229-10.985 69.248-23.523 127.506-44.207 118.705-42.223 164.596-57.709 217.446-73.302 2.62-.75 8.29-2.465 12.67-3.751 56.19-16.772 126.94-33.597 184.17-43.671 5.07-.91 9.66-1.768 10.22-1.875l.94-.161v170.236l-281.28-.054H719.968l9.66-3.215ZM246.864 313.411c-65.041-2.251-143.047-12.11-208.432-26.256-18.375-3.965-41.73-9.538-42.202-10.074-.171-.214-.257-21.38-.214-47.046l.129-46.618 6.654 3.697c57.313 32.043 118.491 56.531 197.699 79.143 40.313 11.521 83.459 18.058 138.669 21.059 15.584.857 65.685.857 81.14 0 33.744-1.876 61.306-4.93 88.396-9.806 6.396-1.126 11.634-1.983 11.722-1.929.255.375-20.48 7.769-30.999 11.038-28.592 8.948-59.288 15.646-91.873 20.147-26.36 3.59-50.015 5.627-78.35 6.698-15.584.59-55.209.59-72.339-.053Z\"><\/path>\n                <path fill=\"#fff\" d=\"M-3.066 295.067 32.06 304.1v9.033H-3.066v-18.066Z\"><\/path>\n            <\/svg>\n            <\/div>\n\n    \n\n    <\/div>\n<\/section>\n\n<p>This article is <a href=\"https:\/\/theconversation.com\/why-queer-themed-shows-evoke-a-bittersweet-nostalgia-for-missed-childhood-moments-259341\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">republished<\/a> from The Conversation under a Creative Commons licence. All photos provided by <a href=\"https:\/\/theconversation.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Conversation<\/a> from various sources.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/sjc\/profile\/bivens-rena\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Rena Bivens<\/a> is an associate professor of communication and media at Carleton University.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" id=\"ad-auris-iframe\" style=\"width: 100%; height: 100px; border: none;\" frameborder=\"0\" height=\"400\" scrolling=\"no\" src=\"https:\/\/audio.adauris.ai\/v2\/widget\/RvjICRaqgSFBJozV1NoK\/vWOAQ8iXR0e3zGJaEeiA?distribution=true\" width=\"100%\" data-project-id=\"RvjICRaqgSFBJozV1NoK\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Imagine suddenly longing for a past you&#8217;ve only seen in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/culture\/queering-nostalgia-lgbtq-representation-in-a-new-era-of-tv-reboots\/\">a show filmed before you were born<\/a>. Or, reverse that: Imagine wishing you could re-do your childhood while watching a brand new show like <em>Heartstopper<\/em>, set in the present day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Heartstopper<\/em> is a Netflix hit series, jam-packed with queer and trans teens finding love, accented by cute cartoon leaves fluttering across the screen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sounds adorable? Yes, but if you came out later in life, grew up in an unsupportive environment or never had a teen romance, the anemoia you feel may be intense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you&#8217;ve yet to hear the word anemoia, forgive yourself. Anemoia was only recently defined by <em>The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows<\/em> as &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.thedictionaryofobscuresorrows.com\/concept\/anemoia\">nostalgia for a time you never experienced<\/a>.&#8221; The <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bbc.com\/news\/articles\/cwyq17x1pllo\">growing obsession with what&#8217;s known as Y2K core<\/a> \u2014 fashion, music and culture inspired by the 90s and early 2000s \u2014 <a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1386\/fspc_00280_1\">by Gen Z<\/a> is an example of this kind of intergenerational envy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Unlike other forms of nostalgia, neuroscientist Felipe De Brigard tells us that anemoia &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/aeon.co\/essays\/nostalgia-doesnt-need-real-memories-an-imagined-past-works-as-well\">doesn&#8217;t need real memories<\/a>.&#8221; De Brigard explores the darker side of these complex feelings. He says <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bloomsbury.com\/ca\/moral-psychology-of-sadness-9798881859138\/#:%7E:text=In%20the%20moral%20psychology%20literature,role%20in%20our%20moral%20lives\">propaganda can misinform people about the past<\/a> to elicit a longing for a time that may never have existed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to De Brigard, given the right material, we can create simulations of possible scenarios in our minds. We might imagine a different present or an alternative past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"imagining-what-could-have-been\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Imagining what could have been<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>While watching <em>Heartstopper<\/em>\u2018s love story unfold in our living rooms, we feel happy for the fictional characters, but <a href=\"https:\/\/theconversation.com\/heartstopper-depicts-queer-joy-heres-why-that-can-bring-about-complicated-feelings-for-those-in-the-lgbtiq-community-183729\">anger, grief<\/a> and a <a href=\"https:\/\/theconversation.com\/heartstopper-how-this-joyous-teen-show-contrasts-with-my-bitter-memories-of-school-life-under-homophobic-law-section-28-212139\">dash of betrayal<\/a> can creep in as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For many <em>Heartstopper<\/em> viewers, the series blends into memories from our real life. Watching queer and trans teens portrayed <a href=\"https:\/\/www.refinery29.com\/en-gb\/heartstopper-netflix-teen-lesbian-representation\">as ordinary people<\/a> can feel like a breath of fresh air, especially if these scenes are inconsistent with our own adolescence. According to media studies professor Frederik Dhaenens, <em>Heartstopper<\/em> also uses cute esthetics that amplify these positive depictions while &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/17496020241286786\">soften[ing] the blow of negative experiences<\/a>&#8221; faced by the characters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter align-center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/images.theconversation.com\/files\/676378\/original\/file-20250624-56-8g19sp.jpg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;fit=clip\" alt=\"a group of teens stand in a family photo style - they are in front of beach changing cabins\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><span class=\"caption\">The season 3 cast of Heartstopper.<\/span><br>\n<span class=\"attribution\"><span class=\"source\">(Netflix)<\/span><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Memories from our past start to flood through our minds as we watch. We may find ourselves wishing for the queer childhood we never had. If only I was born later, we might think. Viewers may imagine how their lives could have unfolded differently, if only they had better media representation or were surrounded by more liberal perspectives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Enter queer anemoia: nostalgia for a do-over of an earlier stage of your life in a different time or place. While commonly expressed by queer and trans folks over 40, anyone who harbours some grief over their coming-out process or the lack of acceptance they had growing up may find themselves riding this emotional rollercoaster.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"a-moment-of-recognition\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">A moment of recognition<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Queer anemoia is a moment of recognition. It is the contrast between our imagined teen love and \u2014 for many, but of course not all \u2014 the real past \u2014 lonely and isolated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The sight of a thriving trans teen like <em>Heartstopper&#8217;s<\/em> Elle could elicit strong feelings for a viewer who transitioned later in life and missed their own girlhood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Maybe the word trans wasn&#8217;t even accessible to help them make sense of their identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Thinking about the past is not unusual for queer and trans folks. With some sarcasm, you could call it a hobby. Hey, want to hang out tonight and subject our adolescence and coming-out stories &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1215\/10642684-5-1-1\">to the judgment of hindsight<\/a>?&#8221; Media push this exercise further by helping us visualize what could have been.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"i-kissed-a-girl\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">&#8216;I Kissed a Girl&#8217;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Another show described similarly to <em>Heartstopper<\/em> is the reality TV show <em>I Kissed A Girl<\/em>. <em>The Guardian<\/em> described it as &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/commentisfree\/article\/2024\/jun\/02\/i-kissed-a-girl-unmissable-viewing-sisterhood-sexual-edge\">a celebratory, joyful love letter to queerness<\/a>&#8221; and &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/tv-and-radio\/article\/2024\/may\/05\/i-kissed-a-girl-review-the-sweetest-most-touching-reality-tv-in-a-long-time\">the sweetest, most touching<\/a>&#8221; show.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter align-center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/images.theconversation.com\/files\/676018\/original\/file-20250623-56-y1bms1.jpeg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;fit=clip\" alt=\"two women snuggle together on a couch, they are looking into each other's eyes\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><span class=\"caption\">A scene from \u2018I Kissed A Girl&#8217; reunion show.<\/span><br>\n<span class=\"attribution\"><span class=\"source\">I Kissed A Girl<\/span><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Among a surplus of straight couples in reality TV, <em>I Kissed A Girl<\/em> is one of only a handful of shows with queer cast members. But perhaps this is shifting. Sociologist R\u00f3is\u00edn Ryan-Flood and queer historian Amy Tooth Murphy argue that we are undergoing &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/doi.org\/10.4324\/9781003396000-1\">one of the most dramatic transformations of gender and sexuality in social life in recent decades<\/a>.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>By portraying lesbians as ordinary people with ordinary desires, <em>I Kissed A Girl<\/em> contributes to this transformation. Some viewers&#8217; might find their own ideas about what is possible, desirable and even <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/commentisfree\/article\/2024\/jun\/02\/i-kissed-a-girl-unmissable-viewing-sisterhood-sexual-edge\">aspirational<\/a> beginning to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Media can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.plutobooks.com\/9780745341668\/transgender-marxism\/\">model these possibilities<\/a> for us, which contributes to our identity formation. Feminist and queer theorists agree, arguing that our gender and sexual identities are collectively created, not self-made.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, gender studies professor Amira Lundy-Harris explains how when <a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1215\/23289252-9475537\">we encounter others in media<\/a> \u2014 novels, film, television \u2014 they can help us recognize something about ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Therefore these mediated identities \u2014 these characters on TV \u2014 are not just ours. <a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/00918369.2011.546729\">We co-create our identities with a variety of different forms of media<\/a>, including social media and memoirs. We also do this <a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/1363460709359114\">with other people<\/a>, including our families and friends. The <a href=\"https:\/\/basicbooks.uk\/titles\/kit-heyam\/before-we-were-trans\/9781529377774\/\">cultural and political moment<\/a> we are living in is also part of this collaborative identity-making process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"late-bloomers-may-feel-more-anemoia\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Late bloomers may feel more anemoia<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Queer anemoia is a politically useful feeling. When we compare different cultural moments we may also recognize that we did not learn about our identity in isolation from the rest of the world. Feminist philosopher Sue Campbell has said our feelings require others to <a href=\"https:\/\/archive.org\/details\/interpretingpers0000camp\">help us interpret<\/a> and make sense of them. Through their characters and stories, media offer us an interpretive context for our feelings to emerge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some late bloomers \u2014 especially those left <a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.4324\/9781003335344\">feeling confused or surprised<\/a> by their sexual or gender identities \u2014 may blame themselves for going along with a mainstream, heteronormative or cisnormative cultural script without stopping to ask themselves who they really are. It may be hard, at first, to see that our identities are co-created.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A recently released film, <em>Am I Ok?<\/em> portrays a late bloomer, Lucy, who is 32 when she finally realizes she&#8217;s a lesbian. She&#8217;s frustrated and disappointed in herself as she tells her best friend, &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/search?client=safari&amp;rls=en&amp;q=\">I should have figured this out by now<\/a>.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Unfortunately, the film does not explore other reasons for her predicament \u2014 like <a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1353\/jowh.2004.0033\">compulsory heterosexuality<\/a> \u2014 that are no fault of her own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter align-center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/images.theconversation.com\/files\/675834\/original\/file-20250623-56-si6zkx.jpg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&amp;rect=0%2C0%2C705%2C396&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;fit=clip\" alt=\"Close up of a sad white woman in her 30s with brown hair, tears streaming down her face and eyes closed.\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><span class=\"caption\">Dakota Johnson stars in a film about discovering your sexuality later in life.<\/span><br>\n<span class=\"attribution\"><a class=\"source\" href=\"https:\/\/www.rottentomatoes.com\/m\/am_i_ok\/pictures\">(Rotten Tomatoes)<\/a><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"naming-the-nostalgia\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Naming the \u2018nostalgia&#8217;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>British education professor Catherine Lee, who previously taught secondary school under the homophobic <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bbc.com\/bbcthree\/article\/cacc0b40-c3a4-473b-86cc-11863c0b3f30\">Section 28<\/a>, wrote in <em>The Conversation<\/em> about how she was filled with regret as she <a href=\"https:\/\/theconversation.com\/heartstopper-how-this-joyous-teen-show-contrasts-with-my-bitter-memories-of-school-life-under-homophobic-law-section-28-212139\">watched the queer teachers in <em>Heartstopper<\/em><\/a> give their students the supportive environment she never could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even <em>Heartstopper<\/em> director Andy Newbery felt queer anemoia before working on the third season. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bbc.com\/news\/articles\/c3wp7q3v207o\">He said<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"not-prose cu-quote cu-component-spacing\">\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ve heard it many, many times since, especially from people sort of my age really, about how they wish they&#8217;d had a show like this when they were growing up.&#8221;<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Naming queer anemoia gives us language for these complex, bittersweet feelings. In today&#8217;s political climate, cute portrayals of queer and trans love may not continue to grace our screens, but taking our feelings seriously and asking what they tell us about the role of media in our lives must never stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>_<br>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/newsroom.carleton.ca\">Carleton Newsroom<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/counter.theconversation.com\/content\/259341\/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic\" alt=\"The Conversation\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Imagine suddenly longing for a past you\u2019ve only seen in a show filmed before you were born. Or, reverse that: Imagine wishing you could re-do your childhood while watching a brand new show like Heartstopper, set in the present day. Heartstopper is a Netflix hit series, jam-packed with queer and trans teens finding love, accented by cute cartoon leaves fluttering across the screen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":410,"featured_media":96547,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"cu_story_type":[1623],"cu_story_tag":[],"class_list":["post-96544","cu_story","type-cu_story","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","cu_story_type-expert-perspectives"],"acf":{"cu_post_thumbnail":"blueprint"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story\/96544","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/cu_story"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/410"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story\/96544\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":96551,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story\/96544\/revisions\/96551"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/96547"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=96544"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"cu_story_type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story_type?post=96544"},{"taxonomy":"cu_story_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carleton.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cu_story_tag?post=96544"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}