Endings and New Beginnings

May 24, 2018

As a farewell blog post, this is decidedly late. As the Carleton English Undergrad blogger, this post is even later. I suppose I got a bit caught up in Life with a capital L?

I’ll start with an update. Since I last posted, I successfully made it through the first semester of my fourth year. I had a nice winter holiday break that went by entirely too quickly. I started second semester still exhausted. A few months in I realized I wasn’t doing as well in my classes as I had hoped. Around the same time I happily submitted my MA applications—a huge weight off my shoulders. Then I focused on getting my academics back to my unreasonably high standards. I nearly drowned. A reprieve came in the form of a very exciting and generous acceptance offer from the Carleton M.A. English program. I happily accepted. Afterwards, I once again refocused on school. I managed to turn things around enough and achieve some pretty wonderful final grades. I was very happy to see my grades trickle in this past month.

And now? I’M FINISHED.

I have officially completed my four-year, Honours undergraduate degree in English Language and Literature Studies. And I loved it so much I’m coming back for Round Two in September.

So, there’s my academic update.

You may be wondering, why post now? Exams have been over for weeks, final grades should all be posted by now…why so late?

Well, I haven’t had a second to breathe until, I’d say, this week. Just before the end of the semester I made a big life decision, I chose to move out, fly from the nest, leave good ol’ Manotick behind. I loved living at home, but I wanted a new experience, my own space, and some real-life responsibility alongside my graduate-level studies. So, when exams ended, I was in full-on packing mode…and then I was in unpacking mode…and then I was in shopping mode (although many may say that’s a constant mode but still) … and finally, assembly mode. There is still so much to do in my new little home, but it has slowed down enough that I can take a breath. I can think about making a blog post for the first time in months. I can book a grad portrait session and go to the bank and even sit and watch a movie. Summer break has finally arrived! And you can feel it in the air (finally)!

So that’s me. That is where I am at in life. SO many changes in SUCH a short period of time but I am happy, and there are still so many adventures ahead of me.

My undergraduate degree was not easy by any stretch. I had struggles—days when I wanted to give up. I put too much pressure on myself. I didn’t take care of my mental and physical health as much as I should have, but one learns from one’s mistakes. I grew throughout my four years at Carleton and I’m graduating with a much deeper understanding of who I am. This program allowed me to explore different disciplines, different perspectives, different theories, different styles of thinking, and while all that made me a better scholar, a better student, it also formed me, my personality and my unique opinions.

Looking back, four years went by ridiculously fast. But in this short span I have met some amazing people and professors to whom I am grateful for who I am today. I am so excited to come back home, to Carleton, in the fall and begin a new journey in the same welcoming English department. I am excited to be challenged, to be frustrated, to meet my new cohort, to find new interests, and to be inspired all over again.

So, as a farewell, I want to enjoin you all to enjoy the time you have. Work hard, but take care of yourselves, and every once in a while take a moment to think about how you’ve changed. Take a moment to relish the academic life instead of work through it. Revel in the university atmosphere and the amazing mind you are creating and the amazing people who are creating alongside you.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me along the way, my awesome English peers, amazing professors, extremely kind and helpful administrators, and anyone else who rooted for me and maybe read a blog post in solidarity. No one can do it alone and I am eternally grateful to have been molded into the Carleton English Lit Graduate I have become.

Fall Changes

September 23, 2017

October – the air is crisp, the leaves are changing colour, and midterms have arrived. It’s a busy time of year: everything seems due at once and you have no time to stop and take a breath. It’s a time when you look forward to Reading Week and make all these great plans for seeing friends and getting caught up on readings and writing papers and presentations and studying for quizzes, tests, midterms… and then actually spend most of it curled up in a blanket watching a movie or doing something equally unproductive. Now, don’t be too hard on yourself; if you’re like me, this so-called unproductivity is good for mental health. Everybody needs a break now and then.

However, I found myself getting lazy even before Reading Week arrived. I’ve noticed stress hits me in one of two ways: panic attacks combined with late nights spent studying because I can’t sleep, or an absolute avoidance of my responsibilities. Neither is good, but somehow, either way I end up getting everything done on time. Weird, right?

This time around I’ve been avoiding school. I’m still doing school work, but I dread it and make up all kinds of excuses to myself so I can do ANYTHING but what I actually need to get done. I combat this with many, many “To Do” lists and self-imposed deadlines etc.etc.etc. It works…to an extent.

The one class I’m managing to stay on top of this semester is my MA course in 18th Century Transatlantic Literature. It’s my favourite course this semester; although, it doesn’t have much competition as I’m only taking two lit classes right now. The class definitely stresses me out. It’s a higher-level course than I’ve ever taken; I have to read a novel and write a paper every week, and I have to participate in discussions every class, yet, I actually look forward to it. While this may not seem weird to most of you, I must add, it is at 8:30 am, so this level of enjoyment is shocking. I might feel like crying when I wake up at 6:30 to a pitch-black room because the sun still hasn’t come up, but once I get to class I love the small-group dynamic. I love hearing my peers’ opinions and having a class based around discussion instead of lecture style (which often makes me sleepy). In my opinion, if you have the chance to take small seminars that focus on discussion, DO IT. It is so worth it.

Now, despite enjoying at least one out of five classes every week (admittedly, some weeks I enjoy more than just the one), I’m still a huge ball of stress. Yes, midterms and papers have got me down, but this whole upcoming-Master’s-deadline stuff is FREAKING ME OUT. Let me ask you, when do I have the time for this? Yes, I really want to apply to OGS and SSHRC and I really want to make the best application that I can, but right now I have about 0.0001% brain space to spend on these applications. So, what do I do? Shove it off to Reading Week…along with preparing three presentations, two papers, an assignment, studying for a midterm and a quiz, and reading three books. In seven days? I don’t think so. Not to mention, like many others, my part-time job doesn’t just stop. So again, I wonder, when do I have the time? The other thing is, these applications are just for grants for my MA, what about applying to the actual MA!? I’ve tried to figure out the things I need for the online application, but, personally, “online” is not my best friend.

What I’m getting at is October is hard and many of us get hysterical… and by ‘many of us’, I mean me. In a perfect world we would only have to take courses that we wanted to, we would have a surplus of time to finish assignments and applications, and we would be able to confidently say “I did my best” when we submit our work. But this isn’t a perfect world, this is University, and if it wasn’t hard it wouldn’t be worth while or important.

Now, I need to get off my lazy behind and get to work. And if the stress starts taking over again maybe I’ll step outside, take a deep breath of cold autumn air, and admire the beautiful fall colours… Before getting right back to work.

Good luck on your mid-semester deadlines everybody!

My Fourth Year Begins

Sep 19, 2017

Allow me to introduce myself: I’m Amanda, a fourth-year English Language and Literature student with a minor in Greek and Roman studies. My passions are reading and writing alongside teaching and music.

I’m really excited to be a “Life in English” blogger this year because, while I am graduating in May, I’m hoping my Carleton journey won’t end quite yet; next year, with any luck, I’ll be returning to this department as an MA student.

In all honesty, I love Carleton and that is why I’m hoping to continue my graduate studies here. Some people have bad things to say about the school, about how supposedly ‘easy’ it is to get accepted, but to them I say I’m proud to know that Carleton offers an opportunity for success to those who did not thrive in a high-school setting. And while people may think it’s easy to get in, it’s definitely not easy to graduate. Did I mention I want to be a teacher? I guess I like to hold out hope that everyone will find their academic passion and the fact that my school might allow somebody to do just that makes me proud. I hope someday, when I am teaching English at the high-school level, I can inspire even just one of my students the way some of my professors at Carleton have inspired me.

Of course, just because I am academically inspired doesn’t mean it’s easy going. Don’t get me wrong: sometimes I dread writing a paper, going to class in the coldest months of the year, or stomaching the long commute home just to spend yet another late night studying. But then again, every once in a while, a paper comes along, one that I sit with for hours mulling over a thesis and doing careful close reading, building an argument that I actually get excited about and throw all my passion into because I realize I’ve actually found a good idea. Have you ever heard something so nerdy as getting excited over some thorough literary analysis? Yet, that’s what I live for and that’s why I’m as excited as I am scared for my fourth-year to start.

I’ll be honest: this year is particularly daunting and exhilarating for more reasons than one. First, I am balancing my fourth-year class schedule with my work (I’m a piano teacher), my choir (the Canterbury Trebles), my mentorship (Carleton’s FYC program), and what little time I have left for a social life and family. I also commute from Manotick (where you may ask?), but that’s nothing new. Second, while in previous years I worked to keep a high GPA to maintain my entrance scholarship and be able to apply to other awards, this year I am working to maintain those grades for grad school and eventually, teachers’ college. Scary stuff. Finally, this isn’t an ordinary fourth-year course load I’m talking about. I am also one of the students in this year’s Accelerated Pathway Program, which means that instead of taking two fourth-year courses, I am taking two graduate-level courses in their place.

What was I thinking, right?

So, while I’m so excited to graduate and start this next chapter of my life, try out some MA-level courses, and to be a mentor to new Carleton students, I am also terrified of drowning under the weight of my new responsibilities.

But then, when I walk around the airy Carleton campus (which admittedly has a bit more construction than usual marring its peacefulness), it still gets a little easier to take a breath and know that I can do this, I can work hard, I just need to take it one day at a time.

Life in English is exhausting, scary, and difficult, especially when you know that there is no right or wrong answer in literary exploration, but rather you must rely on your ability to prove your own claims. But then, Life in English is also invigorating, fascinating, and enlightening precisely because there isn’t a right answer. Everything is open to investigation and imagination, your opinions are free to be shared and debated, and you can learn as much from your peers’ ideas as you can from your professors.

I look forward to learning from the experience of being a fourth-year blogger and maybe, if I’m lucky, some of you will learn vicariously through my experiences as well.