The Power of Saying No, Even When You REALLY Want to Say Yes: A University Student Perspective by Madelyn Cook
The Power of Saying No, Even When You REALLY Want to Say Yes: A University Student Perspective
As a university student, life often demands that we take on multiple roles at the same time. In addition to academics, many of us balance part-time employment, family obligations, and the maintenance of social relationships. For me, between lectures, assignments, work, family and social outings, my schedule is packed. As someone with a personality that wants to make everyone happy, suddenly, I find myself saying ‘yes’ to everything, even when I don’t actually have the time or energy.
For a long time, I thought that saying ‘yes’ meant I was being kind, responsible and dependable. I would say ‘yes’ to extra tasks at work, ‘yes’ to helping a friend at the last minute, and ‘yes’ to a social outing even when I knew I had deadlines creeping up. I thought it would make me look like a better employee, friend or student. Though this approach was socially rewarding in the short term, it became increasingly unsustainable the more I took on. At surface level, I was good at managing everything, but in reality I felt constantly stressed, exhausted and quietly resentful; often letting myself down because I did not have the capacity to complete things the way I really wanted to.
It was not until a manager took the time to sit with me and acknowledge my eagerness to take on extra responsibilities, while also reminding me there were others on my team that were capable of stepping up as well, that I truly understood the value of balance. I learned that burnout is real and that learning to say ‘no’ can be an act of courage as opposed to being seen as a weakness.
This is when I started to realize the power of saying ‘no’. I recognized that saying ‘no’ did not mean that I was lazy or selfish or uncaring, it meant that I was aware of my limits. As students, we are juggling a lot. School alone can be a full-time commitment and many of us also work to support ourselves. When we ignore our capacity limits and keep overcommitting, something eventually suffers; our mental health, our grades, our relationships or other areas of our lives.
Learning to say ‘no’ has been a journey of exploring my personal values of growth, honesty and balance. When I say ‘yes’ to something that completely drains me or takes time away from my priorities, I am acting against those values. When I set boundaries, like not taking on extra tasks at work during exam week or asking to push a social plan back an extra day, I am acting in a way that is consistent with who I want to be.
For me, setting boundaries was uncomfortable at first, especially as someone who considers herself a people pleaser. There was often guilt attached, and a fear of disappointing others. What I have learned however, is that disappointing myself and not being able to give 110% to every task or be fully present in every moment is far more damaging. Clear boundaries have
made my relationships healthier; people know what to expect and know I can show up more present and more genuine when I truly have the capacity to. People understand that I am saying ‘no’ because it is a healthy option for me at that moment.
One of the biggest lessons I continue to learn is that saying ‘no’ to one thing is often saying ‘yes’ to something else. I am saying ‘yes’ to my well-being, ‘yes’ to my goals or ‘yes’ to a rest, (and rest isn’t a reward but a requirement)!
University has been a time of growth, not just academically, but personally. Learning to say ‘no’ and to set boundaries to live in accordance with my values is a skillset that will follow me long after graduation. I am still figuring it all out and I don’t always get it right, but every time I choose honesty over obligation I feel a little more grounded, a little more fulfilled and A LOT more like myself.
By: Madelyn Cook